你现在到底清楚了吗？

Thursday, October 09, 2008

the spectrum room has sort of become the safe haven for me these days. if I'm not rushing for class, my first instinct would be to check out the spectrum room, to see if there are familiar faces in there working hard on our programmes. when the benches area is awfully, disgustingly filled with people, I make my way to the spectrum room, and enjoy the solitude. although it's freaking cold in there, it sure beats hanging around the benches amidst the buzz, and trying to find a table where you really can sit down without feeling awkward. and I love it how we can just close the spectrum room door, and start bitching and complaining about things that are going on.

I think there's so much negative energies in me these days that I don't even know where to start talking about them..I guess I'm just going to pen down random thoughts that come to mind as I go along.

I know some people will think that the things that I'm going to write are trivial, but trust me, when many small things happen at the same time, it can really become a big thing.

when we do studio recordings every Wednesday, Phoebe and I will always face a madrush to get things in place in that one hour before TV prac starts. that, I've already gotten used to it. the only issue I have in the studio is, I cannot stand it when some people obviously cannot do something well, but yet keep wanting to take up that particular role. I really don't understand. I mean, okay fair enough, TV prac is supposed to give you a chance to explore the different roles in the studio, but you have to realise that there are some roles that are so crucial and important to the whole production that the person doing it needs to have a certain level of know-how to make sure recording will not be hindered. I may not be in the position to reproach the person because I also don't know how to handle that particular machine, but hey, if I don't know it, I don't touch it. simple as that, right? RAHHH.

and then to the topic of being "a passing-by friend". I feel bad for being a friend who only "happens to pass by" these days. nowadays, when I see people like Cheryl, Daphne, Leigh, Charlene etc in school, it's really, more often than not, just a hi-bye thing. I always seem to be on my way to something else whenever I see them. and when I do stop, it's usually only to put down my bag, and go off to wherever I need to be. daphne commented the other day in the lift that we haven't eaten together this semester, and I reminded her that we did, just ONCE though. I would like to have spent more time with friends I used to be closer with. I know being in different concentrations shouldn't be used as a reason / excuse, but somehow, I just find myself drifting...
since I'm on the topic of friendship, I might as well just express my two cents' worth. I feel a friendship, or any relationship for that matter, has to be a two-way street. honestly, I don't mind giving more (if I am "giving" you more, it means I do treasure you as a genuine friend), just that I need to feel that there will be reciporcity. you don't necessarily have to return the favour, but at least make me feel that you also treat me as a genuine friend.

and then there's the whole controversy about a particular video that was pulled out of Spectrum. frankly speaking, I was annoyed at first because on our part, we already put the clip through four edits, the faculty saw it, approved it, ran it, only to see it being axed by the higher authorities. I was annoyed because I felt we already made a compromise by subjecting the clip to a rigourous editing process, there was nothing too sensitive, and yet they pulled it down without reason, without warning? but later the angst was gone because deep down I knew that this is still, after all, Singapore. the moment we decided to go with this story, I already knew there was a possibility of us getting into trouble, but I thought, what the heck, let's just see how far we can push the boundaries here since we are only a student-media, and if there are any consequences to face, they wouldn't be as tough as those outside in the "real world". so even after some relentless fighting on the part of our faculty (kudos to them), the video was still axed eventually, and that was when the whole flurry of activities began. online media outlets started to criticise the university for its actions, our faculty had to meet with the administration to try and sort things out, there was a protest, and then there was a closed-door forum session today. it's been one month since the incident, and we are still stuck in there.

I don't know if the other people in audience today saw us as cowards who don't stand up for greater ideals, or as people who are resigned to fate and just want to move on, whatever. I don't know and I don't care. what I want to say is, I feel the questions have already been answered, we at spectrum understand where the university and the school are coming from, it's a learning experience, so why can't we just take the lessons with us and move on from here? we agree with the ideology of having more freedom for campus media, but face it, we are working in the Singapore context where it will be difficult to change the situation. it's a sad fact of life. I am not saying that it cannot be challenged, but it will be hard, and it will take time. you can definitely keep talking to me (in my capacity as the spectrum head) about how you think there should be more media freedom on campus, that spectrum shouldnt allow yourselves to be subjected to all this, blah blah blah. BUT what do you expect us i.e. spectrum to do?! join your "revolt"?

this has been a really long entry, and that's what happens when you don't blog for too long, things just accumulate. I just hope I was making sense above and a pat for you if you have read till here :) I'm just going to stop here now, and I hope I will have happy things to share the next time I blog. till then, take care my friends :)

Labels: CS, friends, nanyang spectrum, negativity, rants

posted @ 11:58:00 pm |