你现在到底清楚了吗？

Sunday, November 21, 2010

It seems like it has become the norm for me to blog once a month after I started work in JUNE.

Yes, my gosh, it's been over 5 months since I started working, and Christmas is just round the corner - I hope I'll have luck when we draw lots to decide who's going to work during Christmas and New Year.

Anyway, I want to say, I realised my situation is quite optimistic after all, because I do get some job satisfaction, especially if I see my stories on the cover. I remember being very high, too high, on one day when there were two on the cover. My colleague thought I was crazy. hahaha. But at least that's something that will keep me going for now, and I think it's so important to glean some meaning in what I do.

Some people dismiss the evening papers as tabloids, but I actually think we provide that spice in readers' lives. I always think it's a cycle. Because readers are interested, that's why we write "juicy" stories; because we think our target audience would be interested, that's why we write stories the way we do. haha. I hope I am making sense :P

But on a separate note, as I become more and more integrated into the newsroom, I find the burden on my shoulders getting heavier because I feel that people would expect more from me.

It's funny how I only remember that my computer skills and quantity exceed expectations on my probation appraisal form. LOL :P I heard some good stuff from my boss, and I was indeed encouraged to become better (which I do want to), but sometimes somewhere along the way, some things would just get you down, and perhaps that's where the pressure comes from.

The sinseh I saw said I looked like a cheery person and was puzzled how I got my condition because apparently, people who are more moody and depressed are more prone to be struck by this illness. I told him maybe it's due to the fact that I'm always afraid of not living up to expectations, and he said ya, that could be a factor.

But I can't help it, I don't know why, every time I "kena" from bosses, I would think "oh no, minus 10 marks again". How do I get myself to not care about the appraisal so much? Some people tell me it actually doesn't matter, because it's not really about what you do, if you get what I mean.

Other than the occasional self-doubting moments, I think I'm actually getting on pretty fine at where I am. I am just looking forward to doing more kick-ass stories (er...not like I've really done kick-ass stories) and er...hopefully contribute by getting something our competitors don't have? Then maybe the bosses would love me. LOL =/

Labels: reflections, work

posted @ 5:32:00 pm |